Around 4:30 in the morning, engine 3 pulled up to a burning two family home on James Street, in New York City.   Fire ran rapid through all three floors. Dense black smoke poured out of every window in the front, and halfway to the rear. The fire had started in the front of the house and moved toward the rear at such a quick pace, It was hard to imagine anyone could still be alive in that inferno.
When someone yelled out, “There are people trapped inside!”  The Officer ordered …

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We’ve all been there.  Driving home work, you ate way to many burritos that day for lunch.  You don’t think you’re going to make it…      Phew, “thank you baby Jesus!!”  Awe, that moment of relaxation.  Oh look, some ass took the last of the toilet paper.  That, “what would MacGyver do?” moment hits you.  You start to wonder if you peel the carboard layers apart…  hmmm, or maybe shape it into a spoon.
Bottom line, replace the toilet paper!!  People have shit to do.  (Literally) and you’re Pissing me off!

Do …

A lawyer defended a man accused of burglary with: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles.  His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.”
“Well put,” the judge replied.  “Using your logic, I sentence the defendant’s arm to one year’s imprisonment.  He can accompany it or not, as he chooses.  Thank you, court adjourned.”  The defendant smiled.  With his lawyer’s assistance he detached his artificial limb, …