My Top Ten Pet Peeves
We’ve all been there. Driving home work, you ate way to many burritos that day for lunch. You don’t think you’re going to make it…     Phew, “thank you baby Jesus!!” Awe, that moment of relaxation. Oh look, some ass took the last of the toilet paper. That, “what would MacGyver do?” moment hits you. You start to wonder if you peel the carboard layers apart… hmmm, or maybe shape it into a spoon.
Bottom line, replace the toilet paper!! People have shit to do. (Literally) and you’re Pissing me off!
Do you see that Pink jug with a lid on it. IT’S F^CKING EMPTY!  Why do you do that? You go and pour yourself the last cup of whatever the hell you want. Then instead of putting it in the sink, or replacing it. (There’s a holy shit idea for ya. Replace it) Anyway, you decide to put it back in there. You know just to watch others get their hopes up, for that cool refreshing cup of…                      Pissed off!
People who put up signs to help stupid people.  You’re only hurting yourself! Stupid people are going to do stupid things. It’s what they do. Don’t mess with God’s over-all plan for everyone. If they want to drink my pissy water, let them.  Instead, you put up a sign, because you think that if someone is smart enough to drink my piss, then they must be smart enough to read.  Ugh, I need to take a break. I’m just getting pissed now.
There are so many things about this picture that pisses me off. The main point I am trying to make is, bad parents. However, since we have this picture, let me point on a few bonus pet peeves. Fat chicks who are to f^ckin’ lazy to bend over far enough to pick a kid up properly.  Fat ankles with with tattoos to hopefully take the focus off their, “hi i’m a lesbian” haircut. Good luck kid…  You’re going to need it.
Oh man…  Now i know what you’re thinking. How can this work of art have a pet peeve anywhere on it? Let me point out three of them. See the tamatos, pickles and lettuce? IF I WANTED A DAMN SALAD, I would’ve ordered a salad. When I order my man meal, I order it without the salad. Everytime, it shows up with an, “all you can eat” salad, minus the ranch dressing.  (It’s a damn good looking burger though huh? See that bacon there? Oh yea, almost makes up for the side salad.)
Remember the fat chick parent? This is her parking job. She needed that extra three feet to squeeze her ass out of the “compact” car. 
Trust me boys, spandex on men…   not cool.  Ever see a worm and two grapes pressed tightly between to peices of glass? Yea, me either. Want to know why? CAUSE, WHY THE F^CK WOULD YOU DO THAT? Same thing here. 
People who use the “quote” fingers when they talk. I know it’s you, “talking” buddy. You, “don’t” have to “quote” all the “DAMN” time. “STOP IT!”
Don’t even get me started on little dogs. They have the cute owners, that have the cute carry cases, and the cute sweaters, and they go to the cute car, and the cute dog sits on their cute laps, and they talk all cute to the dog. Then they bring it in the store with them. When the guy is looking to see what size tampon to get his wife, I kick that cute look off the dogs face.
Women who wear skimpy, “look at me” outfits. Then get mad when grandpa get’s caught staring. They come back with, yea I want people to look, just not that guy.  I am going to leave it with, they piss me off. I have so many pet peeves surrounding women, I better stop with just that one before this pet peeve turns into, “Pet Peeve, The Novel.”
What pisses me off? People who can’t tell the difference between to, too and two.
What pisses me off? Grammar Nazi’s who get all bent out of shape about things like “to, too, and two” and “their, there, and they’re” and the like. Do they not realize the purpose of communication is to convey an idea and thus if you can understand what the idea is that they are trying to convey then who cares about the rest? English is an inherently messed up language that is ridiculously complex anyways; no sense getting bent out of shape about the little things.
No one can tell the difference outside of context between “to, too, and two” when spoken and in my experience pretty much everyone knows the difference when written; the invalid conjecture from the grammar Nazi’s is that people intentionally write the wrong “to, too, or two” because they don’t know the difference. Generally speaking, that’s not the case.
For instance, my fingers really seem to like to type “there” whenever I mean one of “their, there, or they’re”. I know well the difference, but if I’m not directly thinking about it when I’m typing (which I never am, because who thinks about typing when they are typing?), my fingers will always just type ‘there’. I tried once to fix the problem, but that just resulted in me always typing ‘their’ instead. Now I seem to be back to typing ‘there’ for some reason. What’s left is to catch the error in proof-reading. But the vast majority of the time when I personally am proof-reading, I’m much more interested that my idea is conveyed adequately over my grammar given that this is the whole point of communication.
What’s particularly funny is when their grammar Nazi comments contain grammatical errors:
Incorrect: to, too and two
Correct: to, too, and two
the correct term for not seeing something, in comparison to others is “me neither,” because you haven’t seen it. also, whats wrong with picking a kid up by the leg? they deserve it.
The thing about that burger is that is the fantasy version, that is the one you see on the menu or on billboards or tv ads. What you really get is a steaming, crushed up pile of crap that never looks anything like the fantasy burger.
I personally like cute dogs it the big ones that make me think they are going bite my face off that get me a little panicky
I dig the salad on my burger- it definitely adds something to the taste. I like sweet pickles, lettuce, onion, tomato and avocado. Mmmmm. Now I know what I’m having for dinner. Better be careful, though, or I’ll end up like fat mom up there. About that, though- I’m forever holding my daughter upside-down… it makes her laugh. Think about it, adults- you like roller coasters (or you used to), right? Mom’s are like portable roller coasters.
Actually Dave, you are wrong…
To, two, and two is correct but to, two and two is also correct. The comma is optional.
What pisses me off? People who are pissed off by grammar nazis because they’re too lazy to learn to write properly in the first place.
What else pisses me off is people who put apostrophes in plurals because they’re too stupid to know the (very simple) rules for using apostrophes.
And another thing? People who don’t know how to use ‘either’ and ‘neither’ but are self-important enough to think everyone cares about their pet peeves.
Finally: people who don’t get irony :p
Ah, grammar Nazis. Far from a pet peeve, they provide the often-missing humor factor for otherwise ordinary postings. And particularly, this is true when they make a mistake (as Dave pointed out). It also indicates that they have denied themselves the pleasure of enjoying the original posting. For example, instead of thinking about the hunk of bacon on that giant burger, they were thinking about to, two, too. I was thinking “MMMmmm…. bacon.”
I win. Grammar Nazis loose.
(Loosely speaking, that is.)
Plus, that was photoshopped, two. I can tell by there pixels.
Dave doesn’t seem to understand that he’s being quite the hypocrite. He says he hates “Grammar Nazis”, all the while being one himself.
Does he cry himself to sleep every night for being so pathetic?
We may never know.
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