The following are  REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?

What for? He can’t see my license plate.

2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, “Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing up?

Always wear a condom.

4. When driving through fog, what should you use?

Your car.

5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?

I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?

Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?

The color.

9. How do you deal with heavy traffic?

Heavy narcotics.

10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?

Carry loaded weapons.