Money’s short, times are hard, so

consider this your Christmas card.

T’was the night before Chrstmas

and dinner was shit.

even the fly,

couldn’t get into it.

Dad at the whorehouse

and mom smoking grass

me begging Martha

for a little piece of ass.

When out on the lawn

I heard such a clatter

I fell from my bed

to see what was the matter.

I saw on the lawn

Some guy, being a dick.

I knew in a moment

it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney

like a bat out of Hell.

I knew in a moment

the idiot had fell.

He filled all our stockings

Then gave us our gifts,

Then leaned on the wall

and took a piss.

He rose up the chimney

with a thunderous fart.

That son of a bitch

blew my chimney apart!

He swore and he cursed

as he rode out of sight.

Piss on you all,

it’s been one hell of a night!