Most news today has to do with someone killing someone, or something blowing up, or some kind of disaster just happened.   So it’s nice when you see things like the following in the news.

I dont’ think their definition of “successful” and my definition of “successful” are the same.

It may calm down the baby, but be honest here.   If you walked in on some guy holding a baby to his nipple, your first thought would not be, “awe what a great dad.”

Mr. Giggles?  Really?   Great companion?  Sure he’s handy to have with you if your kids are the spawn of Satan and you are on your way to Hell.   He might give you a fighting chance.

I hear ya buddy.  Hang in there.

Actual size?  Wow, where’d they find it, 5 miles outside the smurf village on the coast?

Damn kids, cutting her grass all to shit, and raking the backs of all the leaves that have fallen.   They’re all menacing minors.

Something tells me Carl is a cheep bastard who would charge his own kids for each square of toilet paper used to wipe their little asses.

Remind me not to eat off the dishes at this guy’s house.

Despite what your mom may have told you, or what you were raised to believe.   Playing with your food isn’t always bad.   Feel free to kiss it, lick it, touch it…

…what I’m trying to say is foreplay doesn’t burn your dick.