Simply take the following test, be honest with yourself and if you think you’re ready, go surprise someone special with all night baby making sex.

The Toy Test

Go buy 15,000 legos, have a friend or loved one spread them throughout your home. Then at 3 a.m., while blindfolder, try to make it to the kitchen for a drink, the bathroom for a piss and back to your bed without screaming like a little girl.

The Dressing Test

This next test is simple. All you have to do is somehow come in possession of a live octopus. Now, try and put socks on it.

The Feeding Test

This one requires amazing hand/eye cordination along with lighting fast reflexes and the patience of a snail. Take an old milk carton. Cut out a small hole in the center of it. (we’ll call that hole, “the baby mouth”) Draw a cute face if you like, put grandma’s wig on it, it doesn’t matter. Now, hang it from the ceiling with a 5 foot rope. Push it, let it swing back and forth while you try to feed large spoon fulls of mashed carrots into the hole of the milk carton. A.K.A. your “baby’s mouth”.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.