“I finished the Oreos”

“I’m jealous! Why can’t men experience the joy of childbirth?

“Get your *own* ice cream.”

“Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Candy.”

“Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.”

“You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”

“I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”

“Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl”

“Darned if you ain’t about 5 pounds away from a surprize visit from that Richard Simmons fella. ‘

“Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to one of them hungry, hungry hippos!”