Why Men Are So Damn Cool And We Know It.
1. Opening a Jar -
You sit there and watch her struggle. She’s stubborn though… she runs it under hot water, taps it on the counter, calls it every name in the book. Then finally, like a beat dog, she lowers her head, slowly walks over to you holding the jar out as if to say, “Please dear God, struggle a little so I don’t feel so bad.” You take a firm grip, twist and pop goes the lid. You hand it back and say with a wink, “You loosened it sweet cheeks!”
2. Having a Scar –
It would be best if you had a long knife cut, or a scar from an old bullet wound. When she sees it for the first time and asks, “awe, honey… ….did that hurt?” “Nah”, Is all we need to say.
3. Tools -
Kinda says it all right there. When the neighbor lady asks if you can fix her shelves cause she doesn’t know how to use the tools. You assess the situation, throw out some technical fixin’ shit terms and strap on the tool belt with suspenders cause the weight of the tools are so heavy. You walk proud with the tools banging against your legs. When all you really needed were three anchors, screws and your 22 volt cordless drill/driver with keyless chuck, 24 position adjustable torgue clutch. But why not have all your tools wrapped around you like batman’s utility belt. Cool…
4. Parallel Parking –
Yes, yes we can. First time, every time. Get out and walk away, without even checking the curb. Yea, cause you know its good.
5. Whiskers –
Nothing says “he’s cool”, like looking like you just don’t give a damn. Girly men, look at you and you can almost see a tear forming in the corner of their eye. Yea, they know they’re whipped. Nancy’s.
6. Winking –
Yea, it’s so cool it turns women into putty, doesn’t it.
7. Duct Tape –
As you walk around your shop. (it’s not a garage for the family mini-van) It’s your shop. Nothing says, “I can fix anything”, like duct tape. Bring it on.
8. Tanks –
We know stuff about them. That alone gives you 16 kick ass cool points.
9. Meat –
Women go to the store. They price the meat. (it can take up to 30 minutes) they pick out a big roast, something that will go good with carrots. Men, we kill our own food. Clean it, cook it… …over an open flame!
10. Support groups –
We don’t need them to help us pee, unlike women.
BONUS REASON – Men can be ready to go anywhere, at anytime in under two minutes.
For more funny articles like this one, click HERE.
Fuck this post. Such sexist BS…
I’m thirteen and I have more reliable morals than the assholes who made this post.
@Feminist,
O.k. normally I don’t approve comments that are as colorful as yours. However, when I read your comment, I must admit, I laughed so hard I almost knocked over my Mountain Dewsky.
You say you’re 13, yet talk like a veteran sailor, your parents must be proud.
You don’t seem to have much of a sense of humor, as clearly this post was 99% just joking around. I think it’s clear…
…You are going to make one heck of a Feminist. Just to show there are no hard feelings. I thought I would leave you with some jokes. To help you with your sense of humor.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There’s a clock on the oven
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won’t do what she’s told.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months – I don’t like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%…wedding cake
Wish you the very best my little Feminist Fan, now go do your homework and do well in school so you can do something other than waste your time leaving comments that don’t show just how much potential you have.
Jon
BaconBabble
First off, Jon. Tou che.
I have another to add to your collection.
One perfect day, a perfect man and a perfect woman, who had a perfect marriage, a perfect house, and a perfect car, went on a perfect drive down the perfect little road that led to their perfect estate.
While on their perfect drive, they find Santa Claus on the side of the perfect road hitching for a perfect ride. Apparantly, Rudolph twisted an ankle. So, being the perfect couple that this perfect man and perfect woman were, they picked up Santa and continued on their perfect little drive.
30 minutes later, they crossed a perfect little bridge, lost control of their car, flew off of said bridge into the perfect river below.
Only one survived. Who was it?
The perfect woman of course! Since clearly the perfect man and Santa Claus are mythical creatures, the only one who could have existed and survived would be the perfect woman!
Which means that if the other two didn’t exist, she must have been driving. Now guess why they flew off the bridge in the first place . . .
Cheers, amigos.
Awww don’t be hard with the feminist, she probably just learned the word
Ahaha. I love this. I’m female, and I don’t get offended. But the jar thing is true. -__-;
[...] [...]
I’m a girl and it still found this funny.
I still agree with the little feminist on the morals bit though.
The “Bizzare Facts” commentary was anything but classy, so was your response to the little girl. Trying to embarrass 13-year-olds? You should be ashamed.
Um, the bridge comment confused me but that little girl needs to grow a pair and shut it. I’m a girl but you dont see me bitchin.
Seriously Ms. 13 year old feminist.
Learn to recognize and appreciate a joke or you are going to be a miserable person the rest of your life.
sad that there are so few men like this anymore, i dig a man with a tool belt
Kissy, he didn’t TRY to embarrass the little iggy-ess, he DID embarress her. And I totally agree with what he said. She IS 13 going on an emotionally hormonally charged 9 year old with about 15 or so years LACK of experience to garner ANY respect for her opinion in this matter, but she still needed to hear it. I also feel he was not to harsh with it.
You guys are right, middle school ‘feminists’ need to learn to take a joke and just tease back.
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