1.) If Mars had earthquakes, would they be called marsquakes?
2.) When lightning hits the ocean, why don’t all the fish die?
3.) Can you cry underwater?
4.) Why is there a light in the refrigerator but not in the freezer?
5.) Can crop circles be square?
6.) Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
7.) Is there ever a day when mattresses aren’t on sale?
8.) Why do people press harder on a remote control when they know the battery is dead?
9.) How do you know Humpty Dumpty is an egg when the nursery rhyme never said so?
10.) …

I’m about to turn 36 years old and it hit me, this is as mature as I’m ever going to get.   But you know what?  I’m glad.  If I was any more mature the following wouldn’t be funny…

1. Opening a Jar -
You sit there and watch her struggle. She’s stubborn though… she runs it under hot water, taps it on the counter, calls it every name in the book. Then finally, like a beat dog, she lowers her head, slowly walks over to you holding the jar out as if to say, “Please dear God, struggle a little so I don’t feel so bad.” You take a firm grip, twist and pop goes the lid. You hand it back and say with a …

The following jobs have actual names, I for one have no idea what they are, so please bare with me while I make up names for them.   You think you’ve had a worse job?  Feel free to leave a comment telling us about it.

What can I say about the “Porno Movie Theater Janitor?”  He’s probably the only guy who can honestly say, “I’ve seen worse,”   when shown photos of some inner-species erotica show involving a tubby little midget and a three legged dog named tri-pod.

Next we have the “Turd …

Ever watch a 3 year old eat nachos?  They have that look, like when they take a crap for the first time.   Pure fear and focus.

I thought adding one thing to Little Dude’s nachos would help him relax and let him enjoy what is quite possibly the greatest treat ever.  Bacon Nachos.

Turns out he wasn’t impressed.  In fact when I glanced over, he was starring at one particular chip with the most confused look his little face could produce.

I asked him what he was thinking.  He turned …

I think Rednecks are funny.   Sure they aren’t known for their IQ score.  I mean lets face it, you won’t see many redneck astronauts, or hear one yell out, “I’ll take Chemistry for a thousand Alex.”    So what is it about them, we find so funny?   You ever give a monkey duct tape and whip cream?  Same thing…

The following are my top ten reasons to love a redneck.

They take shittin’ serious!   Which is kinda ironic in a way.  I mean, some people use this (usually) quiet time to think, or …

I am not an expert.   I am not a certified counselor.  I haven’t conducted any studies, or really done much research for that matter.   However, I present to you the top ten reasons I feel, kids need counseling today…

This first one is quite possibly the most disturbing kids product I have ever seen.   It’s basically a butt plug for kids!   The concept is to make your kid not afraid of pooping.   You basically have them shove this up their bottom, to make star or heart shaped poop come out.   ARE …

This is a true story.

I came home from work one day.  When I arrived home, I was surprised to see my son sitting on the couch watching tv. I asked what he was doing home?  He replied, “I got suspended today” as his eyes started to fill with tears. I said, “for what?” He replied quietly “for fightin’.”
(now my son is some-what of a geek. In a good way of course. He knows more about computers and gadgets then making friends and social events. He is also some-what overweight). …

If you prayed to God to stop the coming of the “NEW STUMBLEUPON” then felt genuinely betrayed when it came all the same, you spend entirely to much time on Stumble.

If your glasses have a computer screen burned into them, you need to stop Stumbling.

If you wake up in the morning with keyboard squares on the side of your face, you need to stop stumbling and sleep in your damn bed.

If you have ever whispered the words, “I can’t quit you” to your Stumble button.

If you don’t know the …

When things are at there worst, then the human spirit will do what it has to for survival.  Case and point, igniting explosives. that you just happen to be sitting on.

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